Tuesday, October 3, 2017

United we stand, divided we fall.

We live in such a backwards world. People interpreting and applying the Bill of Rights every day to their advantage. The protesting that is going on, people are upset and stating people don’t have the right, when in fact it is the first amendment – perhaps the platform for which some of these messages are being produced is causing much anguish and people clearly don’t agree.

Next the mass shootings, now people talk about guns and the control of guns, when in fact the second amendment declares the right to bear arms, but people will twist it to suite a perspective skewed from others. This does not grant people the permission or entitlement to go on killing others for no reason.

What we fail to understand is the Bill of Rights provides freedoms that many will not agree with, but it is not freedom from consequences if you chose to exercise those rights. Both situations will have backlash, so what do we do to correct the issue?

We start by listening, we start by respecting, we start by providing mental health counselling and access to proper healthcare, we start by taking care of each other, we start by stopping the blame, we start by being compassionate, we start by having difficult conversations, we start by appreciating our history to progress our future, we start by accept the things we cannot change, the wrongs we cannot make right, and to focus on what we can change and what we can make right.

Where did we take a wrong turn in applying our basis freedoms? Where did we become such a divided country filled with so much civil unrest and hate and blame?

Yes, conversations need to be had – but they need to be the kind of conversations that progress us as a society, not divide and take away from what we have worked hard to build. We are going backwards with the division the hate the inappropriate application of the Bill of Rights to suite our own satisfaction. It just makes me sad that when you have children – you want to think you are leaving them in a world that was a better place than when I was here, I am not so sure that I am doing that now.

Life is hard enough, why must we add to it? I said last week that FB has become a stage for pushing agendas and after yesterday’s devastating events – it is even more so than it was.
How do we right this wrong? How do we become a society that stopped accepting that not everyone will be right all the time? How did we become so desensitized to the events such as what occurred yesterday, how do we recover the compassion that we once had? When did we stop caring for life?

I just don’t know but I am willing to listen, I am willing to accept that my way may not be the best way, I am willing to take chances to make this world a better place for my kids, one free of hate, blame, and violence.

My mind cries, my heart breaks. 

Thursday, February 23, 2017

The Mirror


The reflection that stares back is not one I recognize. The lines of time, the roadmap of a life shaken and agitated, devoured by traumatic occurrences of survival. Every path navigated with varying degrees of defeat and subsistence.  How did this become a life so unfamiliar at times and at other times too familiar, almost comforting? Leaving a strike of pain the rises from within so suffocating, yet intoxicating. One might say devastating, but if you are me, it is vindicating. Knowing the reflection is one that cannot be impassive from my existence, a constant reminder that to be victorious means you have slain the demon that  eagerly sit in the darkness waiting to consume you with sorrow and dread, pinning you onto the ground with a hand akin to a hammer, but not this time…not any time here after.

May you try, and may you fail, as you have watched me do so many times before. You track that life line to a young girl who was afraid, alone, yet bidding her time, for this too shall pass she would tell her mind and body; do not lay duped to what has been taken, but set yourself free for all that remains; there is so much that remains. Do not be so naive to think this life will be without darkness, but take comfort in the moments that leave you breathless, bounded by blimey.

Too often I move through time with a blindness to happiness…wishing, hoping, my time will come. Tick tock…the clock strikes, go. I run, run so fast my limbs feel as though they are being ripped from my body. Running toward my life’s train. But…wait, all this time I have been running for the final destination. No! No, I scream in my mind. The final stop is the end of my journey. Panicked, I pull the cord to signal my early departure, it is not the final stop I seek, but the stop in between the last place and the place I don’t want to know.

No, it is not my time yet, I am slowing. Gently slowing, as not to miss my sojourn in this life. The reflection in the mirror whispers…here, stop here. I like this stop, I see happiness and my heart starts to beat again. Although I am still slowing, yet another life line tracks across my face. Let it show, relishing in all that is expressions - I lived, I loved, I cherished. It is one I will embellish with eternal bliss, even though I know it will not last forever. Decorating this place within my heart with jewels of pride, affection, and joyfulness. Adorned for better person surely, but it comes to me, so I grab it, hold it, and keep it for as long as I can.

Until tomorrow, when I see the person staring back at me; until then will I feel the need to relive the unpredictable opulence of life, but I will resist residing in the loins of purgatory.  My fate, my destiny, my life. Mirror, mirror, on the wall… may you capture my soul with a glance, may you hold it with time…but may you also set me free.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

The Passing

By Lee Ann Walker

Death affects us all very differently, but none immune to the thoughts that occur right before the moment of passing.  The moment of time that you become starkly conscious that there is no point of return, no turning back. The moment when you speak the words that flood the brain into the ear before the final breathe, you try to hold the moment before the passing, but like water it slips through your fingers – you are unable to say everything your mind is relaying to your mouth, and you realize this and sadness overcomes, you lean in to say all that you can - I am here, rest easy sweet babies, and I love you.

The heart knows no dissimilarity in the realm of loss, a loss is a loss, the heart grieves in a manner that the brain cannot fully understand or put into words. The moment after death, the brain seeks to find reason and thinks of all decisions before the passing moment and after the moment of passing. It analyzes the final moment to see if the right choice has been made – for it is the rational portion of the person, knowing there was great pain in keeping the inevitable from occurring. For keeping you here would have been a personal indulgence that should not be allowed to continue as your suffering was evident. I will not forget your eyes, they tell a story of contentment with the cloudiness of a sweet goodbye – you somehow know it is your time, perhaps it is the steady flow of tears I shed, or perhaps the smell of the air hinted of death. It is almost as if your eyes spoke to my heart, telling the story of happiness, a life of love, and the final moment of passing over into a world of no pain, no suffering, and no ailments was coming. I know you loved me, my steadfast babies.

Every moment since our forever goodbye, my thoughts are of you, I see you everywhere, surrounding me, I thought I saw you sitting in your usually spot, but I know it was my wishful mind thinking of how wonderful it would be to have you for another final moment.  I know the bad days must occur to make us really appreciate the good days, and there were so many good days. You both were gifts, ones that I treasured, held dear, and will forever miss.

The sadness in my eyes as you look upon me knowing the eternal light is for you, will be forever imprinted in my mind and marked on my heart - go to your bridge.  You reach out with your tiny paw with a tiny gesture as to say it is okay mom, it is our time to go. The bridge awaits, the field of flowers and butterflies to chase is calling us. It is sad to lose one baby, but to bear the loss of two within minutes proved to be the biggest heartache I have endured in a long time. 12 wonderful years is what I hold dear.

In the passing moment a piece of my heart went with you, I will never forget you, you served alongside me during my darkest moments and you created so many happy moments. Thank you both sweet babies for being my rocks and lending me an ear to share my dreams, my losses, and saddest, yet greatest moments of my life, thank you for your steadfast friendship and unconditional love. This family is no longer complete in your departure. No other will fill the void that has been created by your absence.

Forever in the passing. Cross the bridge into the unknown, happiness awaits. I will see you again when it is my time. Until then dance.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

In My Words...: Mind Infiltration

In My Words...: Mind Infiltration: No words of ease to comfort the heart of the broken, so many shattered pieces. Diligent denial rests easy in the mind, maddening solitude r...