Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Here Today

Desperation is all too familiar of a feeling, my heart latches on to every free emotion trying to keep from slipping in the quicksand of despair. She is hurting, he is fighting, and they are dying. Life is fragile yet there are some who fear living and there are some who fear nothing and throw caution to the wind. Find balance, find equilibrium, find peace. No one asked me if I wanted to be a part of this life, no one asked me if I had the strength. I have never hated something so strongly, loathed something so greatly, admired something so little. I am tired, weak, and yet I must find the will to sink my fangs of strength into all that tries to take her from me. From my cold, dead, lifeless body will I ever give up this fight, for her, for me, for us. For she is a fire that burns through my soul, she is the light that guides my way to goodness, for evil is knocking at my door, she is the wind that lifts my mood and carries my sweet surrender to greater heights out of reach of hopelessness. It is not fair so many fight to live, so many live to fight, and so many have no fight and seek death as a comfortable retreat from the problems that tumble down the hillside of life. I get it, I have felt it, I have lived it. No one has to like it, but everyone has to respect it.

When one is sick and in pain, we all feel it, when one is lost to the angels, we all grieve it, when one is happy and doing great, we all enjoy it – relish it, savor it, seek more of it. We move together like the waves of time, seeking a better place, a better life, and a better dream. So easy to crumble into ruins with the slightest of change. Move hastily to enjoy the special times and moments for they may be removed without call from the story line of life. You’d be best to live in the present and not dwell on the past for there is no changing it, no magical wish, no genie to rub, no time machine to set you back and enjoy the pleasures of a redo. The present and future is all that remains. Do we really need anything else?

I see hope in her eyes, a glimmer, a spark of how great life could be, then with the slightest change in tide, I also see remnants of one of the worst days of my life running the length of her chest. It is never far from my thoughts. I weep for those that have lost, I mourn those that have been lost, and I seek contentment that I may find a place and time to accept this life, for there is no other I will be given. For I desire the in between. I see that now. There is no changing it tomorrow. When she smiles and looks into my eyes, it is moment I want to freeze time, for I never know if tomorrow, it will be the same. Sadness seeks a place to hang its eternal hat in my heart. I will fight with heated steel, until my weary heart fails to respire life in my living form. For she is here today.


  1. Lee Ann your blogs amaze me and I'm so blessed to know a Beautiful Strong Lady like you. I love how you Never give up the Fight and now fight even harder for your Lil Angel. Keep on Keeping on Girl. You are one Amazing Woman.

    1. Thank you Kim, that means a lot! My life has never known any other way has it. :-)