Saturday, September 4, 2010


I do not feel safe in my nocturnal solitude. My room. It is like a jail with bars on the windows, laughing at my feeble attempts to escape. The dreadful noises that the wood flooring makes beneath the monster. It cries with subtle creaks and cracking of the weight it bears. Begging to wake me before the monster reaches me. But I am paralyzed with fear for I know what is coming, I am unable to move. My body feels heavy. My arms wrapped tightly around my legs rocking back and forth.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. The creaks and cracking stop. He is outside now, listening for sounds before he enters. I begin to feel the tears run down my face. I beg my mind to escape. I give it permission to go to the place I know so well, one that I am free and the sun warms my body and the rain purifies my thoughts. I am drifting now, here I go. I am in the rain. It falls fast but softly hits my skins – gentle like it means me no harm. It washes away the shame I feel. The rain stops and the sun shines through the clouds as if to say I am here now to warm your soul. The wind begins to blow swirling itself around me like soft feathers from a baby bird. I feel happy inside. I begin to run through the meadow filled with daisies, the grass beneath my feet is so supple I just want to lay in it. I want to spend forever here, in this place. I want this place to take and keep my soul, for I won’t need it where I am going back to. The place I go back to is not worthy of it. I love this place.

I can see the darkness behind me like a vortex destroying the meadow covered in daisies. Spinning so fast with teeth like razor blades, shredding its way to me. I will not fight against it as I know it is no use. It will be over soon. This is the end of it. This time. I have enjoyed my time of peace in a place I call Luckyland. Lucky for it brings me bliss and happiness. I feel lucky to go there, feel lucky to have a place of my own – free from all things evil – anything I want can come true. This place allows me to be me – a child.

My vision becomes hazy and my body feels like it is spinning a million miles an hour. It aches like I have been thrown against a wall; my body feels torn and tattered. But it is over. I see the monster’s shadow retreating, leaving. Thank you Luckyland, for allowing me to escape, even if for only a short while. I will see you again tomorrow.

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