Friday, September 3, 2010

Word Bullets

The blows were thunderous between my ears, like I had been blasted by rapid fire bullets, loud ricocheting echoes bounce inside my brain. The space once inhabited with hopes and dreams was drowning in pain and anguish. Darkness closes in. Is this the calm before the storm. The silence is eerie. I fear not of what you can do to me but what I shall do to myself leaving debilitating emotions bottled in a glass waiting for someone to tap and break the glass. For if they are set free, they will plague my life and take what I have worked so hard to gain. I will share my words because it keeps the jar from filling up. Your words hurt like a bullet. It feels like I have been shot, languid from being beaten down - the matter called life surrounds my body like a perfectly drawn chalk outline. What is inside the line dare not cross. It has come to the end. Is it but the weak that bears the shreds of sacrifice, stabbing at the shield of life.

“I wish you were dead”, those were your words. How can you hate me so much? How can you strip me of all the autonomy that comes with being a person born of this world? I became less of a person, no person, no mind to act on her own, and no self confidence to lift my head. I had to rewrite my life, playing time machine with my actions and emotions - erasing the damage.

Life is precious. Here today, gone tomorrow. Taken in an instance, taken for granted. Life is fragile like a brilliant, glass carafe filled to the brim with happiness, but so easily shattered by sorrow and sadness. Your words cut me open pouring out my ounces of triumph. Who are you to tell me hopes and dreams are fairytales. Who are you to not believe in me. Who are you to have been so stupid to think I would not desire life. Who are you to think your words could dam the only endowment this life will ever give me – to love and be loved. It was all I ever wanted from you. You are no one, nothing to me.

I sew up the cuts you have irrevocably places upon my soul and move to the light, step to me not -I warn - or I may push you to the depth of darkness you deserve. Hear me like a bullet coming fast and irreversible - life is better without you in it.

No comments:

Post a Comment